I haven't written anything here in a long time.  It's quite sad, really.  I like writing about my crazy roommate.  I had a story to tell a while back, but I've since forgotten it.  I do have another one though.

So, today, Esmeralda had her energetics class (the class in which they practice making invisible shields and whatnot).  After the class, she brought home a guy with whom I'd had a bit of a thing with a year ago and who I'm going to call Billy Bob.  I was a little bit disturbed to see him in my abode, but since we're still sort of friends, I was nice.  I sat down in the living room where they were watching a movie and exchanged pleasantries and then watched Dexter on my ipod.  However, I was continually distracted by the conversation which Billy Bob and Esmeralda had about energetics.  They were discussing shields, and fire, and taking energy from couches (because Billy Bob was tired and Esmeralda said that she spread extra energy into the furniture).  I would have laughed, except that I had though that Billy Bob was more sensible than that.  I really didn't see him getting into that stuff.  Next thing I know, he'll be talking about spirit guides the way Esmeralda was the other day when I walked in.  Apparently these spirit guides are also rather threatening, because people need to sleep with some form of weapon beside them.  Emeralda apparently sleeps with a hammer beside her.  I was not aware of this until yesterday, so I suppose that it's a good thing that I've never tried to wake her up in the middle of the night.  I think I'm pretty content to not have a spirit guide, I don't get woken up by shadowy figures and feel threatened, as apparently is commonplace for Esmeralda.  I sleep peacefully.  Without any hammers next to me. 

It's funny to think about, but all of the silliness that I hear from Esmeralda is starting to become commonplace.  I seem so open-minded and understanding when she actually tells me about it, she doesn't know that I think it's rather ridiculous.  If I wasn't sure that it was all imaginary, I would know just from the fact that she doesn't really know or understand me, even though according to the group she is an empath and other kin and a little bit psychic.  She's not even good at reading people, let along telling fortunes!  It just gets annoying when she constantly asks me if I'm ok when I'm just lost in thought about something, because she's "picking something up."

Speaking of picking up:  for a little while, Esmeralda was involved in a polyamorous relationship.   She was with this guy, Jim Bob (NOT Billy Bob, he's different), and seemed pretty happy with him... except that he already had a girlfriend.  It was alright, though, because that girlfriend had two other boyfriends and so didn't care if Jim Bob found another as well.  Esmeralda told me that Jim Bob proved his committment to her by not seeking any other girlfriends, just Girl#1 and her.  Some committment.  However, Esmeralda ended up breaking it off because she got too jealous and couldn't deal with the polyamorous nature of the relationship.  He's still actively trying to woo her, though.  She told him today that she has baby fever (which she does, bad) to try and make him less interested in her.  He proposed that he be a sperm donor.  And that he would only be a donor, and not really contribute to the welfare or keeping of the child.  Tempting offer, I know.  Somehow, Esmeralda managed to refuse it.  But it's pretty messed up.  She told me that Jim Bob already has a child who is around five years old.  Father of the year, that one.  He's a catch.  Esmeralda should snap him up while she can.  For sure.  Hearing about all of her relationship problems just makes me grateful for my Thelonious, who loves me and only me and doesn't believe in sprit guides or energetics. 

Esmeralda thinks that she and snakes share a psychic link.

This development began harmlessly enough, when Esmeralda went to a medieval festival.  There, however, she played with a bunch of snakes (which Thelonious and another of her friends immediately questioned as a euphemism).  She told me that as soon as she laid a hand on the cage of a particular snake named Guinevere, she felt "electricity" go up her arm and give her more "psychic energy."  Maybe she just got electrocuted. :p  Due to this, though, Esmeralda wants to get a pet snake, Guinevere in particular.  I, for one, do not want a snake.  Not even if she just keeps it in a cage in her room.  There is no way that I can deal with a snake in the apartment.  Esmeralda assured me that she wouldn't get one while she lived with me, but she never shuts up about this snake.  I feel like she's just trying to wear me down until I concede to her desire for a terrifying, scaly, reptile.  I was semi-confirmed in this concern by her response to my allowing her to have her Rob over when I had my small siblings over.  She promised that there would be no sex while the kids were around, so I said that it was fine; she then said, "Yay, you're great, I won't get a snake while I live with you!" as if she had been planning on getting a snake anyway.

Speaking of Esmeralda acquiring things, she just procured for us a toaster (useful) and a toaster oven (waste of space).  Now, in our apartment, we have about three sim-blocks of counter space.  What's a sim-block, you may ask?  In the game, the Sims, when you place counters they are in individual little workspaces that fit in one block.  You can only do one thing on them at a time.  If there is, say, a microwave, on that counter, it takes up most of the counter and you can no longer prepare food on it, unless you're putting it in the microwave.  Two of our sim-block counters are taken up by a microwave and a dish rack.  The last counter is empty, except for a few of my candles against the back of it.  A few days ago, I came home to a massive toaster oven taking up the last of our counters, and my candles on the small strip of counter in front of the microwave.  The whole apartment was also a disaster, which I later spent a couple hours cleaning up on the weekend, but that's a whole other story/rant.  When I protested to Esmeralda that now we had no counter space, she told me that we could prepare food on the kitchen table, because she did that at the place she lived in second year.  That is a terrible idea.  Just because she's done it doesn't make it good.  I wanted to put the toaster oven in the linen closet, where we have the rest of Esmeralda's useless appliances, including a FOOD DEHYDRATOR.  Who uses food dehydrators?  Seriously?!

I hate this toaster oven with such a passion.  I have had visions of just sort of pushing it off the counter, like the mother in A Christmas Story knocking over the leg lamp.  "I, I just don't know what happened, I was just vacuuming and it fell..."  As I ranted about it taking up valuable counter space, I began to wonder why toaster ovens even exist in the first place.  They seem like a completely useless invention.  What was its inventor thinking? "Hey, ovens are pretty great.  They cook things so nicely.  But they're just so big and you have to bend over to put things in them.  I know!  I'll make a smaller oven that we can put on the counter, that does the exact same thing as the oven, but takes up space and won't be able to fit as much!  It's brilliant!"  When I complained to my mom about the toaster oven, she protested that it was useful.  I asked her when she last used our toaster oven at home, though I already knew the answer to that: never, in the last 3 years at least, if not longer.  She said that she would use it more, except that we tend to use the top of it as a bread rack, and she'd have to take all the bread off and then wait for the toaster oven to cool before she put it back.  My point exactly.  The toaster oven is a useless and inconvenient invention.  And soon, it's going to be banished to the Linen Closet of Appliance Despair.

Roomate Rant!

This post is sadly not about the supernatural antics of my roomate.  This is about that fact that she is lazy and a slob.  So, last week I was quite busy, as I had to work and spend as much time with Thelonious as I could.  He left for Russia on Wednesday.  Then on Thursday and Friday I went back to my parents' house to babysit, as I mentioned last post.  I left a couple of dishes behind me (and it really was just 2) but I figured that it was ok because I had done all of her dishes a few days before.  I also cleaned the bathroom just before I left.  On Friday night I came back briefly just to go out with some friends, and then I went to work Saturday morning.  I went back to my parents' in the evening for Father's Day (which we did on Saturday, rather than Sunday, because most of us had to work today.  This morning I got up early, went to church, and then went to work.  I was home by about 2:15.  AND GUESS WHAT?  The dishes were still unwashed, and there were more of them!  I don't know when I became a neat freak, but I can't stand to have the common areas of the apartment messy.  My room, fine.  Anything else?  I don't like it.  I don't like having people over in a dirty house.  WHAT DID SHE DO ALL WEEKEND?!  Sat around in the apartment, watching netflix. 

So, I was pretty annoyed about that.  Also, our wii doesn't want to connect to the internet, so I played around with that a bit.  I've tried everything I can think of.  I ended up changing the router password.  This, of course, messed up the internet in the house.  I fixed it on my computer, and told Esmeralda to change it on hers, but it was still being stupid.  Esmeralda just used my computer to talk to her Rob fellow.  (Sidenote:  Rob asked, in a half joking way, if I would like to join a threesome with him and Esmeralda.  No thanks, I'm good.  Quality guy, that one.)  I washed all the dishes, and kept running around cleaning up.  Esmeralda commented that I didn't seem to want to sit still.  No, I don't, not when my apartment is a mess and it reflects badly on me!  All throughout the dishes, she kept complaining about the internet not working.  So I finally fixed that (by just restarting the router). 

Then, I decided to go out to the grocery store to get some eggs so that I could make banana bread.  She asked me to get some milk too, since we were out.  two cartons of milk.  I said ok.  When I asked her for money, she was like "I thought that we were going to share groceries."  I replied that yes, we were, but I wasn't really going to use the milk.  I'm working all week and won't really use any of our food.  She said "well, if you make a sidekick tonight you're going to use some milk."  It was only after I reminded her that she owed me $4 (she had sent me to mcdonalds for her, but the money she transferred had gone to the wrong account, so I had to pay for it myself) that she finally gave me money.  She said "well, I'll give it to you, but I'm not happy about this."  Like I was daunted by her unhappiness.  I didn't care, she gave me the money.  I'm going to go insane this year.  Absolutely, positively insane.

Today, I am writing from my parents house, where I went to go babysit my small siblings.  Esmeralda took advantage of my absence to invite over someone she knows who is going to do a psychic reading on her.  This guy, she says, is Christian.  I think that she's telling me this so that I'll do stuff like that with her, and then we can have shields together... I think I'm good, thanks.  She keeps saying, "he used to be one of the foremost pagans in the world, and then he decided to become Christian and everyone was surprised.  So now he doesn't do everything that he did before, but he can do both!"  I bite my tongue.  I don't crush her dreams of my becoming half pagan.  But it would be a cold day in hell before I even considered such a thing.

It's strange, Esmeralda talks to me like I actually believe in what she's saying.  The other morning, she woke up and told me that she hadn't had the best sleep because her spirit guide had woken her up.  As well as some other random spirit that she didn't know.  She tells me that her spirit guide hearkens bad luck.  And that this city is a beacon to spirits and "other kin" (like her).  Just because it is.  As Thelonious said when I told him about this, "you mean that there just happens to be a large number of impressionable 20-somethings who believe this stuff without question here?"  A significant number of people in medieval studies are pagan, and they're definitely the most vocal religious group in the program.  Esmeralda also likes to consider herself an "empath."  She believes that she is capable of knowing what people are feeling because of the psychic waves which they give off.  I love how intuitively understanding body language has become a special psychic trait.

The other day, I was feeling a bit listless because Thelonious just went off to Russia.  Esmeralda kept asking me if I felt ok, because she kept "picking something up."  It was pretty annoying, I'd tell her that I wasn't feeling particularly bad and explain how I was feeling, but she just kept asking and asking.  I get the sense that she doesn't actually listen, but just tries to pick up her psychic waves.  Obviously, her skills as an empath are not honed enough; she can't tell the difference between upset and listless. :p  Then she told me that in her group of friends, she apparently is the most empathetic, even though she "hasn't completely tapped into her empathy fully."  I suppose in order to tap into fully, she'd have to read minds or something.  If, someday, she reads my mind while she's telling me stuff like this and finds out about this blog (I think about it every time she does, and try to remember what she's telling me for entertainment value), I might believe that there's something eerily psychic going on.  Until then, I'm not convinced in the slightest, and just find it amusing.  Also, a little bit annoying.

This is starting to become an incredibly long post.  I have one more thing to talk about though.  Esmeralda also took advantage of my absence to have a guy over.  She wants to meet this guy that she's been talking to online for like a year - a guy that she met on a hookup website.  She tends to frequent such sites.  It's funny though, because she looks for lasting love on those sites.  This guy, she feels, she has a connection to.  He may even be "the one."  She hadn't met him the lasts time I saw her, when she told me that.  In addition to this feeling of connectivity, she also has psychic past life feelings about him.  It always seems to come down to that stuff, doesn't it?  (Sidenote: Esmeralda was telling me the other day that she is very uncomfortable with the idea of violent sex due to past life issues, as if it was abnormal of her to feel that way.  Thelonious commented that it would be more unusual if she wasn't uncomfortable with it.)  But yeah, past life connection.  She says that throughout her lives she has always been with this one guy, and now she feels that he's close.  I don't even know what I got myself into, living with her.  She says that she likes to make her stories of past lives into a soap opera.  Of course she does, they are stories.  It takes the idea of a soulmate to a whole new level.  She'll be so disappointed if she never actually finds him.  And I doubt that he'd hang out on hookup sites, although who knows?  Maybe her soulmate actually would. :p

I'm going to regret ever pointing out to Thelonious the name of one of the characters in the movie Centurion, Virilius.  Now he wants to name a son Virilius Maximus.  When I kept refusing to even consider the possibility, he made it even worse just to bug me.  Now, he thinks that "Virilius Maximus Thelonious Wayne" would be a good name for a child.  He can name a pet that if he wants, but no child of mine will be named Virilius Maximus.  He says that I'm a buzzkill.

Esmerelda came back yesterday.  Her foot is still in a cast, as she developed tendonitis and is going to be stuck at home for another month.  It was weird to come home from work today to see someone else in my apartment.  Today, she began to tell me again about how she is "other kin" but that even she doesn't know what kind.  We also discussed psychic shields and such things, which seem completely imaginary to me.  I followed along for a little while, because I could comprehend someone making a bubble around themselves, but it got weird when she told me about how you could see what people's shields looked like.  I learned that some have molten rock and lava, while some are round bubbles and some are egg-shaped.  Hmm.  I just nodded and smiled and all was good.  Sadly, though, some of the members of SEE are upset with her for deciding not to go back to university and be the president of the club.  To the point where she may potentially not be welcome at meetings; meetings which may not exist, since there is no longer an exec.  It's really just one person who is bothering her though, Margery Kempe.  Margery is rather emotional and can be described as a "drama queen" and, by some, "crazy."  Now, readers, do not despair!  For SEE meetings are mainly alumni anyway, and they may gather here informally; stories will abound!  Psychic shields are only the beginning.

Who leaves stuff in tupperware containers and then moves?!  This does not bode well for the upcoming year of cohabitation.  Here's the story.  Thelonious and I decided to bake brownies yesterday, but we had nothing to store it in.  I suggested that we use Esmeralda's tupperware, since she doesn't return until next Tuesday.  We took it out of the cupboard and, to our horror, discovered... something... inside of one of the containers.  The other ones were dirty as well, but at least had nothing inside them.  I suggested that we dump whatever it was off the balcony and then try and wash it, so that we could be rid of it, but Thelonious convinced me that it was better to just leave it alone.  We hid it under the counter, next to a gross pot left here by the former residents.  It's just as well that we didn't throw out whatever it was, since it might have gained sentience and taken revenge upon us.  After we (and especially I) recovered from the shock of such a disturbing experience, delicious brownies were made and life was good again.  I just keep thinking of that thing under my counter though.  From now on, when I hear any noises during the night, I'm going to think that the creature in the tupperware has gained the awareness and mobility of Flubber.

This whole debacle has made me wonder what it's going to be like to live with Esmeralda.  I very slightly understand not washing containers and leaving them around.  But I can't comprehend how you would move apartments with them in such a state. All of her appliances were filthy as well, but I washed those.  I hate people.

Oh, by the way, as far as SEE is concerned, Esmeralda has relinquished control of that.  She decided to graduate with a three-year general degree and go to college instead, in order to become a doula.  On the one hand, I'm very happy for her, but now I'll be lacking some of the writing material that I could have had if she had been president.  Oh well.  Now she'll be home all day (because she's doing it all online) and I may end up with just as much stuff to write about.

Esmeralda is going for ankle surgery tomorrow.

This is good for her, because her ankle has been bothering her for a while.  She's really happy that soon she'll be out of pain.  What this means for me (and for this blog) is that she's going to stay home and recover from her surgery.  She's decided not to actually live in the apartment until near the end of May.  So this blog may not be particularly interesting for the next month.

I guess I'll just have to discuss what little online life Esmeralda and I share.  Yesterday, she and one of the current execs of SEE were trying to study for an exam, but instead bonded while eating nostalgic candy like fruit by the foot and watching silly movies.  And playing the facebook flash game "Bubble Witch Saga."  Esmeralda just sent me a request in that game. :/  I don't need another flash game now, the Sims Social is way more than I can handle at the moment.  DON'T SEND ME GAME REQUESTS! 

Ooh, I know something I can talk about!  I just went with Thelonious to IKEA today.  And I bought some lovely plates that I can mix and match and I'm so excited.  It makes me feel so grown up.  I mean, I already had curtains and my own chair and all sorts of accoutrements, but plates are just such an adult thing to have.  I also got some kitchen utensils, one of which is a sort of rounded rectangular spoon.  Thelonious calls it the "kitchen shovel."  He maintains that it's worth more than the stove itself, because it is the most amazing kitchen implement ever.  It is fantastic for hors d'oeuvres.  So now I have one too.  I bought some glasses too, but forgot to check the box before I left.  I discovered when I got home that one of the glasses was broken.  Sad face.  So I have to go back and exchange it some time, but that's alright, because it means that I need to go back to IKEA in the near future, which can only be a good thing.  Everything is so inexpensive and efficient, it makes me happy.